Hi, I lost my baby 5 days ago and as I’m sitting here in bed recovering I keep thinking about all my friends who have been here to support me this week. I’m so blessed to have them and they truly have been a lifesaver for our family. But a few of them have asked, “how can we help?” And I’m sure if this is your first time having a miscarriage or you’re watching someone go through it it can be confusing to know what is actually helpful.
Here are some very practical ways to help and show love:
- Food. Meals have been a God send. Even with a fridge full of food my family would’ve starved bc neither me or my husband are up for making anything. And not just dinner- lunches and breakfast have been helpful too. (Protien, veggies, fruit are most nutritious with the blood loss)
- Treats. I already have a sweet tooth, but the hormones and emotional eating requires a lot of treats.
- Flowers. I love my display of flowers.
- Kids. Please come and grab my kids whenever you want. They are craving attention. And parents are craving quiet time to: sleep, cry, talk, snuggle, etc. thank you!
- Chores. I have a hard time asking for this one, but my house is in shambles. You have full permission to do my dishes, sweep my floor, wipe my bathroom counters, tidy, whatever. When you stop by to bring dinner you’re welcome to do a chore- it’s not expected, but completely valued. (Or pull together money to hire a cleaner)
- Chat. If and only if you are a close close friend continue to check-in. Call, text, stop by and sit on my bed, have a meal with me. We can talk about the baby, how I’m feeling emotionally & physically, we can talk about you and not about the miscarriage at all, we can laugh, watch a show. (How do you know if you’re considered close? Well, you were probably one of the first to know, and knew before or while the miscarriage was happening.)
- Movie tickets. My husband and son went to the movies last night. I hope to get out next week and that would be a great no movement outing for me too.
- Errands. Ask if they need anything from the store?
- Date night. When I can get out of bed, I would really love a good long date night with my husband. Maybe help make that possible with childcare or gift certificate.
- Girls date. Also, when I can move I’d love to catch up and have some fun with my girls. Talk about deep and not so deep stuff.
- Pampering. My sis is planning on taking me to get a pedicure. I had a gift certificate for an hour long facial I’m redeeming this week.
What if you’re not super close with the mom who just had a miscarriage? I think a sweet text saying you’re thinking of them could be enough. Maybe dropping off a meal? I think my hesitancy towards fringe friends is I don’t really want to talk about it with you. Sorry, but that’s the truth.
To the point but I hope that helps articulate what is most helpful post miscarriage.