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Not sure how many days its been now since we lost our baby, almost 2 weeks. I’m practically done bleeding, the pain stopped last week, and I’ve only had a few cry sessions. And I even saw pregnant moms, held babies, and spoke to friends who were completely unaware- I survived. 

It’s weird, I don’t feel grief – well not anymore, I guess. My close childhood friend came over to console me a couple of days after it happened, she lost her dad suddenly a year and half ago, and she came to share in my loss. But I felt my loss didn’t, by any means, measure up to her loss. I didn’t share 32 years of life and memories with this human like she had with her dad. I didn’t know his face, we didn’t embrace. It’s different, and I think that’s what makes this loss easier.

Then I struggle with feeling bad for not feeling grief. But, I feel peace – and I’m ok with that, I prefer it actually.

I had kept our tiny little evidence of this baby, and we planted him this week under our new tree in our yard. That brought some closure along with tears.

Also phantom feeling stopped. Praise!

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