Here We Go – Starting a Spiritual Discipline 

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Earlier this morning I laid out the logistics of how I arrived here, today… I’m beginning the spiritual discipline of Devotional Reading.

Here I am, bible, pencil, virtual journal, and book. I am rea… ugh, why is it so hard to dive in?! My heels are digging deep, my resistance is strong, I have no umph to fan this tiny ember.

Dear God,

Please be before me, lead me, guide me. I desire to know you more, but…

I want to be in your company, I’m here. Help me.

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Starting A Spiritual Discipline

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In my first entry, I shared from where this commitment began. Spiritual Disciplines Handbook is a book I’ve had for at least 6 years. It was a book my then lifegroup choose to go through. Our group decided to choose our favorite and most appealing of the 63 disciplines listed in the book, write them down, put them in a box, and draw one at random to decide the discipline we’d learn that week on our own, then come back and discuss it. But as I’ve sat here in my outpost for 4 days reading, rereading, and then underlining the nine pages of its Introduction – that is not how this book was intended to be used. Continue reading

Day 4: Post Miscarriage

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Super enjoyable and easy to write lengthy blog posts when you’re bed ridden, waited on hand and foot, and free from your typical mom duties. We’ll see how this pans out over the year?

So, my crotch feels like the game, break the ice. Any fart, pressure, movement, or stored up pee might make the bottom fall out. At least that’s what it feels like.

… lets be real, pooping sucks. Continue reading

Dear Child, – Naming a Child You Lost

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(Written February 6th, 2017)

Dear Child, 

On Dec 28, 2016, I had discovered that your dad was kind of drowning in life, drowning in his darkness. This was also the day I discovered your life inside me. I was met with a conflicted joy. But, God knew what he was doing. Over the course of that week your dad found repentance, found peace, found his Savior again. The next day I shared with the family that I was pregnant – we cried, happy tears, surrounding the dining table overjoyed of the baby growing inside mommy’s tummy. Your dad and I cried because we felt grace and goodness.
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After Miscarriage – My Story of Miscarriage

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I lost my baby 3 days ago, at least that is when he passed through my body. It was horrific.

I have 2 children already, 4 1/2 and 2 1/2. This baby was my third pregnancy – first miscarriage. While grieving the loss of a baby is an awful process, it sure is helping to have two beautiful children to hold and cherish. Amazing how in tragedy love can expand and time can slow – consciously absorbing both. Continue reading

I Don’t Want to Feel – Feeling Spiritually Dry

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This blog is a one year journal commitment to God. You know, kinda like the Julie & Julia Project…? For me I’m going to practice a discipline, a spiritual discipline, an obedience.

You see, I had a light conversation with my mother-in-law while they were visiting us last week about how ‘our generation’ hates how ‘their generation’ was/is/seems to be so legalistic in their faith. How ‘their’ faith appears as a dutiful religion, and for those of us that grew up in the church we didn’t want any part in duty, we wanted feeling!! Church became distasteful, Christians were especially distasteful, and religious practices were distasteful. Continue reading